two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
