Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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