I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
