As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
