The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize