Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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