I wanna bring you to show and tell
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
this hospital has no fireball
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
