I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
