I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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