I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
did i just pee glitter
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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