Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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