cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
