some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
