I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
