this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
