Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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