why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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