dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
