how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize