I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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