Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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