We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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