i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
