I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
