I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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