You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
