I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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