Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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