Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
