Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize