Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
