Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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