Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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