I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize