Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
