when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
