If that was your dad, he is hot
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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