and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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