so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
