Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
