Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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