god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
