it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
