just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
