i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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