I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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