Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
