i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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