I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
