I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
