it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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