he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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