tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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