Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
