I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
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