Pappa wants mamma naked
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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