end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
