OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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