I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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