meet me or not, i'm out of control
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
