I got chris browned last night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Two words: blizzard sex
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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