The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
